Friday, August 12, 2016

Cristiano Ronaldo

WALT use videos to make our writing better.
We know we can do this we we have done all these things:
Capital I in the correct places.
Capital Letters.
Adjectives and smilies.

I went to football match and bonked heads with
Cristiano Ronaldo then I woke up and feeling
different I looked around. I was in a mansion
and I said to myself this isn't my house. I looked in the mirror and I screamed aaaaaaaaaaaaa .I ran down the stairs and a lady gave me some keys.I opened the door to the garage and I jumped in the shiny red car. I went back and crashed it. I drove to a football game and then I saw Cristiano Ronaldo.Then someone kicked the ball then Cristiano Ronaldo was running to get the ball. Next I started to run. Then we bonked heads again and er went back to normal. Then I smelled bacon and eggs.       


  1. Kia Ora my name is Kaine. I really like how you used description to write your own story about Cristiano Rolando. Maybe next time you could put in the video that you watched. What was the hardest piece to write in this piece of writing? This makes me want to do a piece of writing about him to.

  2. Talofa Mikaere. My name is Jessica. I am 11 years old, I am from Grey Main School and I am in Mamaku 2. I really like Your piece of writing it sounds really cool. Next time you might want to put an exclamation mark after the word aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa because your yelling and have a space after your full stops.

  3. Kia Ora Mikaere!
    I'm Rikki-Lee. I really like this piece of descriptive writing. But you could add a bit more detail about the other character. When you do another story stick to the story and not go off topic because what did bacon and eggs have to do with the story?



Please structure your comments as follows:
Positive - Something done well
Thoughtful - A sentence to let us know you actually read/watched or listened to what they had to say
Helpful - Give some ideas for next time or Ask a question you want to know more about